Closed Lanes: Legion is Beginning to Feel Like a One-Way Street
November 18, 2024
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Are you looking for an article that will help you play Legion? Then you should click on something else.
But…are you all set for worlds, but panicking that your list doesn’t have a theme song yet? Have NO FEAR!
Writing serious articles is so last year, let’s get back to wasting your time. Starting with the fact that…”No Fear” even has an active website?! For those who aren’t following, let me share some knowledge about what I’m talking about.
Wow, those are also the common themes to my life! At least one brand still gets me!
Now that I’ve alienated and confused anyone younger than 34, as well as most of you who are older, all I have to say is…good riddance!
If you’re still reading though, please ignore what I just said about wishing good riddance to you, we love you youngsters! Anyway we’ve been down this road before: these songs will be chosen based on their thematic relevance to the lists, not necessarily their literal relevance. Maybe you’ll agree with me on these choices, maybe you won’t. Do you think that I’ll care? Hell no!
That’s what it means…to have No Fear™
I spend some time hanging out in the discord of “That’s No Moon” which is the premiere UK podcast and which includes a lot of guests from the greater European era. They’re a fun bunch and I’ve been on the pod myself a couple times, it’s always been great! Now, merely for answering this question correctly, I will unfortunately probably be booted from the server, because this will be a three-folded insult to them.
Again I don’t take any joy in this…science is science, and take solace in the fact that I didn’t use that awful celeb montage version from the start of the COVID pandemic.
When you read the lyrics you can see beyond what you remember about this song that was often sampled from Nas to Applebees. It obviously sounds cool, and epic, but the actual words are in fact about the oppressive inevitability of fate.
Yoda Padme is the most fate-friendly list out there because it creates so many mods to dice that were already strong that very little is left up to chance. This is naturally also why it’s extremely hard to beat at this moment, which means that the oppressive fate we’ll have to deal with at worlds in a month is the fact that it’s gonna be eeeeeeeverywheeeeeere.
O, fortuna!
Not only does Tool feel like a natural fit for droid lists, but that Battle Force and this song also share another key component: their complexity.
Experimental Droids is a very difficult “thing” to really pull off. This is a Battle Force that is ostensibly made up of units that aren’t even all that good. In stark contrast to its fraternal twin Kashyyyk Defenders, Experimental Droids didn’t actually provide any unit cards that are all that helpful. Let’s face it: that snail tank is no better than a normal one and the Magna corps are actually probably literally bad…but that didn’t stop some very intrepid folks out there from finding a way to make it work for them. Whether it’s B2’s or Droidekas, it’s the surge-spend ability provided by the Battle Force that makes it tick and doing so requires a lot of skill and practice to pull off with regularity.
So why “Schism,” you ask? This song changes its meter 47 times. Learning how to play an individual part is challenging enough, but when you consider the work it takes for an entire band to get it right? Good luck if you’re a bunch of amateurs trying to figure out how to perform this without everyone getting mad at the drummer or bassist (or both) for mis-timing a rhythm change.
I’ll give the video a pass for its poor representation of vascular anatomy, it’s definitely memorable and that’s most of what a music video should be at the end of the day.
Let’s set the scene. Republic is getting stronger and stronger, with dodges everywhere, and it feels like there’s nothing that can stop them. But hark! In the distance! A man with a weary bedraggled visage, his robot friend, and his FREE sniper rifle! Surely this will be the savior we need against the Republic menace!
So, since you’re a loyal Rebel player, you buy into the idea. You even paint up three full squads of commandos once you realize they’re a diet version of the good (cough) old days of Rebel Troopers with infinite dodges. Toss in some vets and mark 2’s and you’re ready to ride into battle!
However, once you get there, you realize you’ve placed your faith in a false prophet. After the crack shot turn Cassian’s damage output is mostly muffled by the recurrent use of Force Barrier, and all the while you’re losing the range three fight because your opponent’s corps, be they clones or fish, are just plain way better than yours. When the dust settles you realize attrition has swung irrevocably away from you, and your list isn’t mobile enough to be any good at the crafty objectives.
And then you realize that if you really wanted to be a sweaty Rebel player you would have just gone with…
I think this is the first time I’ve literally re-done the exact same list. This used to be Loser by Beck but then they went ahead and made ARCs cheaper, made armor a little worse and…there’s still not a lot of people that play this.
What can I say? It’s the hipster GAR list and what hipster (of my generation anyway) didn’t have Is This It lying around somewhere in their dorm room, assumedly next to Kid A and Daydream Nation? Another good question: why would you play a non-Wookiee oriented Republic list in the current environment that doesn’t allow Padme?
It’s hard to explain.
I’ve seen Dragonforce twice, and it was a blast each time. But there’s another, darker side to my fandom. I was absolutely the dude who would be dragged by my friends to some God-forsaken hardcore concert (including Bear vs Shark right before they broke up, “what a tragedy!!!”) but who would wear my Dragonforce t-shirt in protest, getting judged by everyone along the way. “Ugh, that dude is wearing a Dragonforce shirt, doesn’t he REALIZE that they’re a speed metal band for NERDS and that he’s just broadcasting that he isn’t truly HARDCORE?!”
Damn right I was, because I have contempt for social norms…NO FEAR™.
Anyone who ever tried to play this song on Guitar Hero 3 knows exactly why this is the right song for this list. There’s just. So. Many. Notes. This is a literal bar from the sheet music
WHAT IS HAPPENING
You know what’s really awesome though? Realizing that after you’ve killed FIVE activations, that you’re still about to lose on Breakthrough. Through the fire and flames these little bastards just…CARRY OOOOOOOOON
Don’t be mad at me if I’m just ignorant but there aren’t a TON of “supergroups” in hard rock. In retrospect it seems a little suspicious that Slash et al would have decided that, in the wake of their break with Axl Rose, they would seek out the reliability and poise of their new bandmate…Scott Weiland? Audioslave did a little better, but they also broke up in the late 2000’s only for the singer to end up passing away before the end of the following decade. Sorry that I’m being a bummer here, but…you know…NO FEAR™
Imperial Remnant is also a supergroup of sorts, and much like their musical counterparts it shines brightly if not…stably. Much as Slash and Tom Morello realized as they walked away from the second diva rocker boys in their careers, experienced Remnant players know all to well that in order to really get the most out of life it’s better to be “Independent” and just get the hell away from that Commander.
No explanation is necessary, nor will it be provided.
This is a song about three truckers that band together to protest a 55 mph speed limit and multiple other bureaucratic measures taken in the early 70’s to account for an oil crisis the United States was in at the time. That’s just a literal fact about it. There aren’t…a LOT of songs that justify a five paragraph explanation of the “plot” on Wikipedia but this is apparently one of them.
I could see Marquand as a McCall type of character, though in his case he’s smashing trees/Ewoks to express his disdain at the fact that in the actual canon his name was vexingly changed to “Newland.”
I know that a Death From Above 1979 song is the obvious pick but it’s so obvious that it goes against my NO FEAR™ philosophy, even if I do like that band a lot.
Geonosians are fast, they move three times! You can even pair them with STAPs, which are also very fast. They move three times too! Wow!
And so, I shall bestow upon them nothing less than the greatest intro song to a cartoon in the history of mankind. Even I’m too young to have actually watched this show (which is naturally about stunt drivers who fight crime, the theme song actually explains this of course) when it was on, but I still learned about it through the sheer magnificence of this track. You’re welcome.
Just a bunch of people talking without speaking. Maybe we’ll see some when they try to make Grievous good again.
So yeah, look, if I was feeling good vibes about how this expansion is gonna land then I would have picked a brother-sister act that was also good for music…The Carpenters.
Instead I’m going with the Osmonds. Feel free to interpret that in whatever way you’d like to.
Fun fact: I was playing through all these songs with my wife in the room, and this was the one out of the whole list where she looked up from what she was reading and said “stop, push stop, push stop right now.” Such is the power of the Osmonds, as palatable as a pair of helicopter lightsabers.
Now, you can practice for worlds with the correct tunes. You’re welcome! And, if you want to display the quality of your character/disdain for social norms to the whole world, check out the official store of the culture.
Unfortunately, it only has one shirt these days and only ships from the UK, a grim sign of our fearful times. Be sure to let me know in the comments if you think I’m off on any of these choices. Take care, and go forth with NO FEAR™ my friends.
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